then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
