They should really pass out barf bags in church
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
