even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
