Your mouth is God's brothel.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Drake has all the answers
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
