And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
