I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
