i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
