in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
