My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
