i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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