He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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