was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
