This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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