I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize