Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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