If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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