i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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