whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Floor bacon is actually really good
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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