Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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