Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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