i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
