17 year olds will be the death of me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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