it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
