i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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