I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
