And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize