you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
