Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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