I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize