I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
