I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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