VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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