I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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