I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
