In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
