office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
