she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
