right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
