I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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