There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
