Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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