I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
