the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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