Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
sarcasm needs its own font
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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