cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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