we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
