I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
