Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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