On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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