I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
