Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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