Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
