Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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