hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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