Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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