i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize