eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
