SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
