I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
