We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
