Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
