sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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