Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Is it penis luge time yet?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
