Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
