Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my mouth tastes like poor choices
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize