So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
ugly people sure do ruin things
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
