There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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