i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize