This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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