She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
