i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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