If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
