Don't make out with my wife yet
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
